Me. Colleen. Hi. It’s been a while. 🙂
Confession: creating a new blog has been on my mind for the last year. I wanted to press reset. I wanted to start over. I wanted to reintroduce myself to the world. I ended up starting an Instagram account (@ironsilkjoy) as the motivational seed to start this process, through documenting my journey in the fitness world. I chose this handle because I love the balance and imagery iron and silk offer, and joy is something I strive to find and sustain in anything I pursue. It felt simple, it felt elegant, it felt meaningful. I thought this would be my outlet as the new me emerged from the cocoon that left my writing so very dormant all this time.
However, this idea percolated for so long. Too long. I managed to regularly post videos and photos of my progress with short snippets describing what I was up to. I even steadily gained an audience of positive supporters. It’s been a fun side gig, but every time, and I mean *every* time I sat down to actually start typing out the overflow of fitness-focused thoughts I had, I’d stall. Why? For one thing, because a lot of life happened this year, and the thought of taking on a new project always turned quickly from excitement to exhaustion. It took months of mending, processing, recovering, and being in the world to lead up to the moment that happened the other day: a casual Sunday on the porch with my sweetheart, Greg.
We were having an inspired conversation that turned into the tipping point that finally broke the strong writer’s block that was holding me captive all year. It wasn’t just a matter of ideas that I needed to jot down. It was paragraph upon paragraph of what was in my brain, what was in my heart, that needed to come out and be on paper. I had thoughts to share about being body shamed, the competitive nature that lives in all of us, ego, insecurities, growth, strength, falling in love, and much more. Creativity flowed out faster than I could keep up with.
As I sat fervently writing, my mind kept wandering back to this blog. I decided to revisit thislittlelark.org to see what and when I posted last. Sure enough, my last entry was March 2016, (not coincidentally) when everything in my world started to shift. I mentioned this to Greg and he asked thoughtful questions around why I hadn’t considered continuing this blog, one that was *already* set up and connected to so many wonderful and curious readers (aka: why was I making something harder for myself when the solution was literally staring back at me on my screen.) The “aha!” moment surfaced. My journey into fitness is very much a part of health and wellness. It’s part of me. This blog is where I used to write my thoughts, inspirations, and experiences. This is where I will continue to write my thoughts, inspirations, and experiences. I don’t need to separate different parts of my life into different places anymore. It all comes from the same place: ME. Yes. Yes. Yes!! It felt like coming home.
So, circling back: What exactly happened in March 2016? That’s when I officially started a new approach to moving my body. Through a series of serendipitous events, I was led to personal training sessions and a very quirky and amazing small gym in Durham, North Carolina: Legitimate Movement. Up until that point, I was not a “sit on the couch with no motivation” kind of gal. I was more along the lines of an “I’m going to try this thing for a while, and then move to that thing and then that shiny thing over there looks fun and whoa I want to try that fun thing, too!” kind of gal. In my adult life, I have always implemented some form of activity, and the times when it wasn’t formal and planned, I lived in larger cities where I’d find myself walking 5+ miles a day to get to all my destinations. My body has always been happiest with movement: physical, emotional, and spiritually speaking. Something was different with this time around, though. Everything aligned for me and I kept showing up for myself and actually having fun. I found a place where exercise wasn’t a chore, it was an exciting way of life.
Since March 2016, I have been so inspired by my movement routine and the coaches that have helped guide me along the way, that my curiosity led me to Montreal, Toronto, and LA to take focused trainings and certifications in mobility and movement. I’ve since studied and passed my personal training certification exam, and I’m in the process of creating unique classes and workshops that incorporate all of my favorite things: movement, yoga, dance, Chinese medicine, and positive psychology. I’ve come a long way and I’m really only getting started. This is all in addition to keeping a full time acupuncture practice, and going through some huge changes in my personal life. I’ve been busy!
As I write this, the excitement of sharing all of my thoughts and experiences is literally emanating from every pore… I’ve never done a super real and public, take me as I am account, because honestly, the thought has always been paralyzing. What if I offend someone? What if cyber bullies start to attack? What if my story just blends in with the rest? Hmm… I’ve had these conversations with some dear friends through the year, and the best of them would always say “Who cares? I want to hear what you have to say. You have something to offer, so do yourself and the rest of us a favor and at least try to put your thoughts down on paper. You have nothing to lose, only something to gain.” So maybe all this time I should have been asking something like: “What if <gasp> I actually make some sort of difference?” Maybe that difference will just occur within me. Maybe something will spark in you. I don’t know unless I start somewhere. So here we have it. Introducing: This Little Lark 2.0. Still a journey of health and wellness, but we’ll call it the director’s cut.
I’m choosing to write about my life from a behind-the-scenes place that, I believe, is not unapologetically shared enough. It’s the only true, authentic voice I know and it’s all I have to make the choices each day to keep showing up, keep doing better, and eliminate the bullshit that drags the world down. I’ve shared some posts in the past that reflect this vulnerable and empowered place within me, and they have always made me feel the most alive. Here’s to more of that and less filtering to fit into a world of paralyzing expectations.