Behind The Scenes

“Goodness is about character – integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like. More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people.” Dennis Prager

I’ve been running a sustainable acupuncture and wellness practice for almost 23 months now! To even type the word “sustainable” is a milestone that I thought would take years to reach. For that, I am grateful for this community that supports me and trusts me with their unique life stories. I am reminded daily that I am doing what I am meant to be doing, connecting with the people that I’m meant to connect with, all the while keeping an open mind to where all of this may lead to in the future.

Keeping all the warm fuzzies in mind, it’s also important for me to take into account that it takes A LOT of time, patience, and energy. It takes behind the scenes work involving research, admin, continuing education, taxes, networking, marketing, supply orders, and patient follow-ups (to name a few). Not to mention the time I commit towards self-care in order to stay balanced while wearing the variety of hats as a business owner. I strive to thrive for many years, so these things are all important to me.

It’s been a graceful learning curve, and I’ve been fortunate to have a number of colleagues to share the bittersweet growing pains of being equal parts small business owner and health care practitioner. Having this limited experience on the other side of the spectrum, I’ve gained a lot of respect for past and present health care professionals who go above and beyond for their patients and practice. I now understand why they were always so grateful when I had to cancel and it was well within their specific cancelation policy. I see how payment is an energetic exchange and is just as important in the healing process as anything else in the patient-practitioner relationship. I experience the joy… yes, JOY!…in hearing my patients advocate for themselves: if something isn’t working in their life they say it unapologetically and I am thrilled to be let in on what’s really beneath the symptoms and pains. I feel the defeat when I hear “I googled it so I’m doing xyz…” and hope the sources were accurate, because somehow there’s a part in all of us, no matter how small, that recognizes if Google comes up with it, there has to be some validity behind it. I feel the overwhelming sense of wanting to keep learning more, more, more, but also knowing I’m not equipped to do it all. I smile when I’m able to help build and grow my colleague’s professions through referrals and word of mouth. Have I mentioned that community is where it’s at? 😉

I’ll leave by sharing what inspired this reflection in the first place. It has nothing to do with Chinese medicine or business, but in my little world of “what does it all mean?”, this *something* got the reflection wheels turning: I was playing the piano the other day– actually, sight reading a waltz in one of my old sonata books. As I played, I felt this rush of heat and giddiness, better expressed as “WHOA this is crazy that I am looking at a piece of paper with dots on lines and simultaneously able to coordinate my right and left hands to play a melody via their respective parts of the paper with dots on lines.” feeling. What?!!! It was the feeling of embodiment, it was the feeling of all of the parts fitting to create the whole. It was the perfect metaphor for how I feel when I think of all the parts (and all of the hats worn) that have contributed to this grand waltz of a practice I’m building. :)

Back to the start.

beginning1

This blog has been up for 5 years now… !!!  It started as a personal WordPress site to connect with friends and family about my life’s journey and to my surprise it grew to an audience of over 5,000 readers within months! Wow! I decided to switch over to this .org domain a little over 2 years ago to include more guest posts from health and wellness professionals. This, in turn, would reach an even wider audience. Well, my friends, after some much needed deliberation, I’ve decided it’s time to go back to the start. I feel that I have built up a level of resistance to posting regular updates the past couple of years, not because I didn’t have anything to share, but because I had TOO much to share. I ended up receiving hundreds of emails from interested guest bloggers from around the world. Reading their stories and what they wanted to share was inspiring, impressive and such an honor to read, but I quickly realized it was too much of an endeavor to take on as a “side project” on my own. In the meantime, popular sites like Mind, Body, Green and Elephant Journal grew with a similar mission– with a staff of many. Something that is not in the cards for me right now, especially as I manage a full-time acupuncture and wellness practice.

What does going back to the start mean? It means just me. It means on occasion when I meet someone with a special something, I’ll ask if they’d do me the honor to write their story so I can share it with all of you, who I care about deeply. It means more creative license to be all over the map instead of within a “professional” parameter. If you’ve read my past few blog posts, you’ll know that I’m striving to bridge the gap between my professional life and personal life, practicing vulnerability, and taking more risks. I’m wanting to connect on a deeper level that surpasses preaching about the “How-To’s” in life. 

I understand this will lead to some of you unsubscribing to my updates. But before you go, please know I am grateful for your support and for every time you chose to read these posts the past few years. For those that stay with me, I thank you as well. You’ll see some gradual changes around the website, and as always I welcome your feedback. :) Here’s to the next chapter…!! 

My vulnerability is showing…

…and it looks good!

vulnerable-quote-1

 

I think a lot. The way my mind works fascinates and entertains me enough that I don’t get bored easily, although I can easily tire from my train of thought at times. I think about my life. I think about where I came from and where I’m going. I think about what I’ve overcome to get to where I am. I think about and make up random scenarios that make me giggle, and I think about and make up random scenarios that bring up fears. I think about all of these things and more.

And then, somewhere down the road of my ever-evolving thought process, I started thinking more about my external world, specifically how I portray my internal world to my external world. I realized how much I’ve taken on for myself to process versus opening up and saying my truth to those around me. I realized I played the role of feeling much safer in pleasing others and not ruffling feathers, while silently suffering internal anxieties and worries. I realized how exhausting this was for my past self. I realized that is was time to unravel and transform this tendency. 

Throughout the past year, this has been a major focus of mine. After settling into my life in Chapel Hill and (mostly) recovering from the very real PTSD that lingered from my time as a grad student, I can happily say that all my needs of home, food, friends, and career are feeling rooted and nurtured. This has created space for me to let go of the fight or flight mode a bit more and dive deeper into the parts of my psyche that are fearful of being vulnerable.

I was inspired by conversations among friends and family, articles and blog posts, books like Brené Brown’s, Daring Greatly, and personal anecdotes from my amazing and brave patients. All of these encounters helped put the feelings I was trying to acknowledge into tangible thoughts; I’ve built up a wall to “stay strong” when all along practicing vulnerability has made me feel stronger than ever. 

How will I continue to nurture this in the new year? With compassion (and oftentimes a shaky voice) I’ll keep communicating how I really feel, I’ll honor my energy and not give it away to those that drain it. I won’t deny my emotion in order to avoid confrontation. I’ll continue to meet the needs of those I love while making sure my needs are being heard and met as well. I will continue to cultivate balance, reciprocity, and deeper connection and understanding in my relationships. I’ll make time to breathe, laugh, sing, and play with abandon. I’ll step out of my sometimes too comfortable shadow and follow my curiosity, away from the path of fear. I’ll tap into my courage. I’ll fall down and get back up. I’ll continue to show up for myself and be seen, because once we’re seen, our greatest attributes, ideas, creativities, and accomplishments are one step closer to seeing the light. 

Care to join me? :)

 

07cefc12326dc4b97594703404269bfc

2014: Feel Good, Be Good, and Do Good.

unnamed-1

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

– Mahatma Gandhi –

The countdown to 2014 has begun! In mere hours, we will be ringing in the new year; spirits hopefully high, and goals set to try to make the upcoming year filled with success, health, love and accomplishments.

We make resolutions because we have a natural tendency towards self-improvement. We want the best for ourselves and the world we live in. However, too often our January 1st enthusiasm quickly falls by the wayside.  Sometimes, as soon as mid-January, our goals are abandoned completely.

Continue reading